Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
