Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I have aggressive nipples.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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