So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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