My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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