I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
