New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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