I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
