Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
