She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
