So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
