You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize