even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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