tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
