my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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