i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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