I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
