So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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