my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
