You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
