dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
