R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
