I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
