it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
