nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize