I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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