my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
