Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
