I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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