watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
