I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
