The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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