Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
