mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
