How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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