Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I supernannyed him into submission
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
