You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
