Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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