I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
