he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
