i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
