Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
