I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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