I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
