He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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