i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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