addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
