Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
