my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
