worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
