Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Can I color on your dick again?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize