we have officially lost it.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
