I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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