Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
