Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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