Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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