The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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