No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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