If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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