I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
