she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
