that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize