Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
