somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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