Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
