Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You are a genius and a whore.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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