I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
