This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
