It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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