Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
