DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
