You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
