I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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