I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
