Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
